This is the World

Stop for a moment and think about the person you know who likes spring training the most. Odds are, it's a black guy. The beginning of NFL spring training is a second Christmas for black guys. They get calls from old friends (former classmates), take time off from work, drink and often cry. No tradition-in any holiday-is more sacred than filling out fantasy draft reports. But under no condition should you attempt to start your own fantasy league. No matter where you work, a black guy has been running a league there for at least a year. To him, this responsibility is vastly more important than his actual job, and attempting to take the league away is like overthrowing a dictator: it can be done, but it's messy. (If you're able to wrest away the league, the former commissioner's rage will likely manifest during a company softball game, no doubt causing an incident.) Should you opt against a coup-and you should-then you must wait for the commish to either leave or die. Once this happens, a power vacuum will develop among the remaining black guys in the office. If you want to ward them off, you must display a keen understanding of your co-workers. Are they traditionalists? If so, a live draft will earn favor. Is the workplace fast-paced? Then an online, automatic selection, requiring little effort, will be appreciated. A clever name for you league is obviously required and will often act as the deciding factor. Once peace is restored, you can relax and join your black peers as they cheer for underdog players who are "sure to be the sleepers of this year's league."

So what did we all think of this article? How many of you were saying, "Boy Josh, this isn't like you. This is rather racist." Go ahead, raise your hands--I am. In fact I had a most uncomfortable time writing it. Would it surprise you then, to hear that I did not write this article? Well, not the whole article anyway. This is an almost word-for-word transcription of an article that I recently read in ESPN Magazine. Just substitute every "black guy" for "white guy," and every "fantasy league" for "NCAA pool."

So the obvious question to me is: How did an okay, just for laughs article written about white guys turn into a taboo, "Did he just say that?" article when the race of the subjects were changed. What is it about the world today that would label me "racist" for writing the above article, but would publish and laud the writer that said the same things about white guys? It is a world in which people like me feel uncomfortable writing articles like this for fear they will be branded as a bigot. I am not. I couldn't be further from it, but I do take issue with the few extremists out there who, in my opinion, are the very ones stagnating progress. They are taking every perceived offense, and making it into something it's not, starting fires, and dividing people instead of bringing them together. I must end here, leave this a thinking topic rather than a talking topic, and in doing so...proving my point.