Fatherhood

Last night, for one of the first times, I experienced the essence of fatherhood. My son was playing with some utensils on the kitchen floor while I got out the vacuum to sweep the rugs. He is only eight months old and sometimes I tend to forget that. As I fired up the vacuum a heart-breaking look of terror broke across his face and he began to cry and reach out to me. I quickly realized the error in my ways and promptly shut off the sweeper and picked my shaking son up off the floor and told him I was sorry for scaring him and that there was nothing to worry about. His crying stopped and he looked cautiously from me to the vacuum and back again with tears in his eyes. We bent down and I showed him that it was okay and it wouldn't hurt him, and still holding him in my arms, I turned it on again. At first he was scared and reached up to get away, but he soon became comfortable with it as long as I was there.

It really made me feel good, obviously not the scaring him part, but the fact that when he reached out to me in fear, I was able to comfort him and, as long as I was around, make that fear go away. I don't know that I've ever been looked up to in that way by anyone before, and that's what I have always looked forward to about being a dad, having someone look up to me for advice, for knowledge, or in this case, comfort and reassurance. That to me is the essence of fatherhood.